I went to Target today. My mom had my son, so I was by myself in the restroom, washing my hands. A young new mother came in with a baby that couldn’t have been more than a few days old. She (the baby) was crying. Her harried mother was carrying the sobbing baby in one arm and a diaper bag and infant carrier in the other. The mom was completely focused on trying to calm her daughter and get her changing supplies out, so I was able to observe her unnoticed briefly while drying my hands.
Has it really only been a few short months since I was that mother? It feels so long ago.
I have to chuckle now when I think of myself in the hospital, and the way I reacted to the nurses. I was trying to please them and prove to them that I did know how to take care of my baby. Every time a nurse came in, I informed the nurse what I had been doing and how things were going. I was naive, wasn’t I? Yes, I still am, I guess. I’m very new to this world of mommyhood. But it’s kind of a trial by fire isn’t it? There’s no way to ease into it. One minute you’re expecting, and the next you’re completely responsible for this little life that depends on you for everything. It’s amazing, isn’t it?
I posted recently on my personal Facebook page that you don’t know real love until you’re a parent. I think my statement may have annoyed one or two of the non-parents. But if you’re a parent, I think you know what I mean. It’s not that I don’t love my husband, my family, my friends…I do. But the love you have for your baby…it’s different. It’s such a strong bond, that I start tear up right now just thinking about it. Sometimes my son looks up at me and smiles. It’s this incredible look of love. I can see in his eyes that he thinks I’m just the greatest person in the world. I know that as he grows older, his world will expand. Daddy will be come even more interesting, and there will be other people he relies on in his life. But for now, I’m the one he reaches for when he’s scared or hurt.
I’m so thankful for my beautiful baby boy and my amazing husband. God has truly blessed me beyond what I deserve, because I don’t deserve this.