Why adding ten inches to your son’s head circumference is really bad

So hubby, Mr. Stinky Pants, and I arrived home yesterday evening after visiting friends and family a few hours north of here. We had a great time, but we were tired, and it was nice to get home. We turned in at about 9 p.m. It should’ve been a long, restful night, but then there’s my mom.

She’s kind of like a hypochondriac, only she’s not anxious about her health…she’s anxious about everyone else’s health. She comes up with worst case scenarios, and always at midnight or 5 a.m. Apparently when she can’t sleep, her mind runs rampant, and she imagines that the cold one of us kids has is actually tuberculosis. (Okay, that exact situation didn’t happen, but it is an excellent example of scenarios she does concoct.)

I measured my Mr. Stinky Pants’ head a few days ago, as well as his length, and weighed him. I texted my mom that his head circumference was 27″. At this point, all the parents are probably thinking, Wow! Your son’s a freak! Something is really wrong with that child. And that would be an astronomical head for a 3-month old. But really, his head is 17″, but somehow I added 10″ when I texted my mom. I don’t know how. Don’t judge me. Math has never been my strong point, and now I can’t spell anymore either. Mr. Stinky Pants has sucked my brains out of me.

So I start getting these text messages at about 12:30 a.m. with the end result that I’m measuring my sleeping son’s head multiple times with a measuring tape at 1 a.m., trying to not wake him up. I’m just glad that I wasn’t bragging about his head size all week. Can you imagine what everyone would be thinking?

Also last night, I discovered that hubby’s new commitment to frequent oral hygiene has nothing to do with my frequent nighttime complaints. He has a dentist appointment today.

Why do people do that? Do they really think they can fool the dentist with one week of good habits after 51 weeks of bad? I don’t even bother. Whenever the dentist or assistant tries to explain to me the “proper way to brush” (apparently, there’s an exact step-by-step system to do that properly), I just look at them and say, “Yeah, I’ve never had a cavity, so… .” 

Confession time! Do you do that? Do you try to fool your dentist?

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