I’ve been watching the Delaware mall breastfeeding controversy since it started. I actually follow all the breastfeeding stories that make it to regional or national news. I nurse my son in public often and have yet to be given a dirty look let alone a derogatory comment, but obviously some women are not as fortunate. I do use a burp cloth usually as a cover or a jacket now that it’s cold. I wonder if that helps? I haven’t used a nursing cover since my son was a couple months old. My big diaper bag was just too much to drag around, so I consolidated to a large purse with just the essentials. Personally, I think the nursing cover draws more attention to what you’re doing. It’s large and screams, “I’m breastfeeding my child!” to everyone. If you’re trying to be discreet, that may not be the best option.
But maybe you don’t want to be discreet? After all…the view of breasts in American culture (and other Western countries) is completely jacked up. The prudish cultural views about BFding in the U.S. needs to change! I would love to see a woman nursing in public daily when I go out!
You know what I really hate? The idea that a nursing mom should go into a family restroom or public restroom to nurse her child! Would you eat your lunch in a smelly public restroom? I wouldn’t! So why should my child?
There is an exception for me. There’s a Macy’s in a mall near here that has a mother’s room attached to the public restroom. You walk through the restroom to get there. But there are no disgusting TOILETS in the actual mother’s room…just couches, lamps, a sink, and a large change table. That’s fine. I’ll nurse in a room like that if it’s available. My son does get distracted if we’re in a public area and there’s a lot going on, so I’m fine with nursing in private if it’s an appropriate area. Restrooms are not appropriate!
I just don’t understand why people view nursing as “disgusting,” “sick,” or “gross.” Hello?! What do you think breasts were made for??? That’s where the real issue lies. We have this view that breasts are sexual objects. That’s why they’re dressed in lace, photographed, magnified beyond life, and pinned up on advertisement posts on buildings, shopping mall walls, etc. That’s not offensive. But attach a baby to it, and all heck breaks loose!
Sorry, men, but breasts were not made for you! So get over it! Otherwise, why does milk build up in them and leak out of them after a woman gives birth, even if she doesn’t want to breastfeed? Animals nurse their young from breasts…but we’re not supposed to?? It’s natural to breastfeed.
This is where ignorant idiots say things like, “It’s natural to fart.” or “It’s natural to urinate.” Really?! You’re going to equate defecating, urinating, and flatuating to feeding a baby the best food of his or her life?
Breastfeeding is undisputedly best for infants. I’m not saying formula is bad…it isn’t. But breastmilk is better. It’s better for moms too! It lowers the incidence of disease and health complications in both babies and moms.
For more on the benefits of breastfeeding, please peruse these pages:
The CDC reports that 75 percent of moms start out breastfeeding in the U.S., but only 13 percent…THIRTEEN…are still exclusively breastfed at six months! We need to have a culture that encourages and expects breastfeeding as the norm. As long as American mothers are ridiculed and treated like social pariahs for nursing their children in public, this will never happen!
6 Comments
I have no problem with breastfeeding, and of course I agree that if possible a child should use its mother’s milk. Actually, I don’t even have a problem with breastfeeding in public. HOWEVER – If I see a mother nursing her child in the middle of the mall, or in a food court, or the middle of a store, I have issues with that.
Before you had a child, did you have issues with whipping out the girls in public? I think the answer is probably a resounding “yes!” So now all of a sudden you have a child and you think it’s okay to show your boobs to the world? Not okay. There’s a double standard there.
Now, I’m not saying it’s necessary to go into a grimy bathroom that smells of urine to feed your baby. I AM saying, however, that some discreetness is appreciated by the majority of the public. Find a quiet corner or a “mother’s room” or whatever.
Think how you would’ve before you were a mother and ask yourself, “would I have thought this was okay before I had my son?” It’s a good way to judge if the public would be alright with what they were seeing.
Alicia, You’re right that before motherhood I might have thought differently – however, actually nursing a child taught me to value what God actually designed my body to do. It’s unfair to say that, because before my circumstances changed, I’d have thought differently, that I must have a double-standard now. I mean, before toddlers are pottytrained, they think it’s just fine to defecate themselves. That doesn’t mean they have a “double standard” later on when, as adults, they think the idea of “going” in their underwear is repulsive. It simply means that they have learned a better way, and have grown. Having a child taught me so much about how God designed my body. My breasts with the intention that they should feed my child – and every reference to nursing in the Bible is somewhat explicit. There is no indication that it’s shameful in any way, nor that it should be done in private, nor that it’s a modesty issue in any way. Jesus would have been publicly nursed by Mary because that was what breasts were used for in his day. The idea that feeding a child in the way God designed is wrong, but wearing a low-cut top and exposing breasts in a purely sexual fashion (if you’re at the mall, there’s a VS nearby) is a sign that we’ve all been damaged by a perverse culture. When I look back at how I perceived my body prior to having my child, I’m embarrassed to admit that I somewhat bought into the notion that my body was a “toy,” meant to be sexualized, and therefore, something to be ashamed of. Now that I am a mom and am thinking more about the kind of world I want my baby to grow up in, I am more and more convinced that I do not want my children to grow up controlled by a cultural perversion more than by the way God designed life.
I was once followed around a grocery store by a man who thought my pregnant belly was sexy. I was 9 months pregnant at the time and wearing normal maternity clothing. I could have considered my belly a “modesty issue,” obviously causing him to “stumble” and hidden myself away – but it was not MY problem, it was HIS. Perverted men will find sexual appeal in everything. No normal man finds that sexy – and my hubby assures me that no normal man finds breastfeeding sexy! Only a pervert would – and we are not accountable for perverts.
It doesn’t matter whether or not your ideals changed personally after your had your child. The fact remains that everyone who has NOT had a child thinks the way you did before you had yours. Modesty is the issue, whether you think so or not. Times have changed since Mary nursed Jesus – not to mention that when I have children, I don’t want to walk through the mall and have my kid ask me why some strange woman has her shirt lifted up. That’s unnecessary. And not going off somewhere for privacy to be decent is just lazy.
Hi Alicia! Thanks for commenting!
You said you don’t have a problem with nursing in public, but you DO have an issue with nursing in the mall, food court, and store. So where in public do you think it’s okay to nurse? What if a woman uses a cover of some sort? Do you still have an issue with it? What if she doesn’t use a cover, but her breast is never exposed at all, because of the type of clothing she’s wearing?
As far as your kid asking why a woman has lifted her shirt up… I believe the current view of breasts in American is perverted. If breasts were NOT viewed as sexual objects, and instead viewed correctly as an extremely nutritional food source, no one would bat their eye lids when a woman lifted her shirt…because she wouldn’t be “exposing” herself. She would be feeding her child. It would be the cultural norm. I know the U.S. is a long way from accepting that, but I hope one day they will.
Since you mentioned it’s a modesty issue, I’m wondering how many mothers you’ve seen nursing in public? It’s not actually common at all to just pull your boob out or lift your shirt up without a tank underneath. Every mom I’ve ever seen nursing in public had a cover of some sort. My friends and myself all use a little blanket or cover of some sort as well just to make sure there’s no nip flash. BUT some babies don’t like covers and are always yanking them off.
Your average teenage girl walking through the mall shows more flesh than I do when I breastfeed my son.
As far as finding a private area or mother’s room to nurse…once you’re a mom you’ll discover like I quickly did that mother’s rooms are VERY hard to come by. VERY hard. They’re almost nonexistent. And private areas? Again, very hard to come by. Even change tables can be hard to come by! I have numerous examples of times I nursed in crowded areas like a restaurant, amphitheater, bench, etc., because there was NOWHERE ELSE. I’m happy to share my example with you, if you’d like.
Even if there is a mother’s room or quiet place available…sometimes mothers can’t get to it in time, unfortunately. Babies don’t just say, “Hey, Mom. I’m hungry. K? Cool.” They start fussing, and it can progress to screaming very quickly. If a child is on a regular feeding schedule, moms might be able to anticipate this. With Baby J, he gets distracted while we’re out in public areas; it throws his food times off completely, so I can’t always be prepared.
In addition to the screaming, hungry babies…in the first few months especially, some moms have an overabundance of milk. When baby starts crying, the milk lets down automatically and gushes. Moms have no control over it. For some mothers, if they don’t nurse right away, they’ll have a soaking wet shirt or two large wet circles over their boobs. Nursing pads don’t do a good job at all, unfortunately.
You’ve actually proved my point. I believe that the overall opinion that you, the average American, and previously myself have toward breastfeeding is wrong. The U.S. has a startling high infant mortality rate (maternal, as well) for a Western developed country. Additionally, African American babies have one of the highest risks for SIDS and statistics show they are the least likely to be breastfed exclusively to six months. I believe there’s a correlation here, and so do many health professionals and “experts.” If breastfeeding exclusively to 6 months were common the U.S., we’d see a difference in the spread of illness, immune systems, and the overall health of the nation…for everyone, no matter their ethnicity.
Here’s the thing…we’re told as new moms that we should ONLY breastfeed, because that’s the best thing for our babies. But then there is very little support from hospitals and the community. Not only that, but we risk being told we’re “disgusting” or “lazy” when we nurse our children outside of our home, unless we hide ourselves away like we’re doing something dirty. It’s a mixed message. I believe that’s why so many mothers quit early.
Most of my thoughts have already been stated above, but to the point of wondering what to say to a child who sees a woman lifting her shirt for her baby: my two year old sees me nurse my son at home, so she knows exactly what it is. Before he was born, she would occasionally see a particular woman at our farmers market nursing her child while she shopped, and once she walked over, asked the woman if her baby was sleeping, and the woman said “nope, he is eating.” My daughter just said ok and that was it. It doesn’t have to be a scary topic for parents. Everyone needs to eat, and that’s how babies do it :).
Amen Jamie!!!!